I would like, if i may, to place at your feet a humble apology. I am Intern Jessica, frequent barkeep and general assistant to the talented Sarah Billington Stevens (of Summerworks House Manager and "The Wendy Complex" fame.) I am also, most likely, one or more of the following:
A. The person responsible for the unappetizing chunks of cork in your wine
B. The person who awkwardly cracked the door of the Ohio Theater around 8:11 to inform you that you couldn't actually come in to see the show you planned your evening around
C. The person who took the last piece of salami you were eyeing at one or more of the opening night shindigs.
And thus my apology must be threefold. And multidirectional. Ahem.
If to you, darling blogophile, I am A, all I can say is those doohickeys that resemble small people with corkscrews for bodies are really far more complicated than they first appear. And also, I am sorry. Intern Colin will soon surpass me in wine opening ability, so just direct all further corking requests to him.
If Apology B is more suited to your Clubbed Thumb experience, here goes: turning people away from theater sucks. For all of us. Honestly, I'd never really had to do it before this summer, and it is righteously awful! It makes me feel all guilty and sad and uncomfortably like "the man." Just, please know this: Clubbed Thumb loves you as much as you love it, so turning you away from Clubbed Thumb was a lot like tearing apart lovers that, until I showed up, were highly un-starcrossed. I was your Chino, I was your Balthasar. It hurt me as much as it hurt you.
As for those of you to whom Apology C applies: I am a student. I am living in the East Village, in an apartment I obviously cannot afford. So I took some of your salami. So what.
Alright, well, sadly this post seems to have taken an abrasive turn and thus, oh blogosphere, become the exact opposite of what I initially intended. And so to quickly conclude: Please don't let my incompetencies stop you from taking in a truly awesome theatrical experience. Come to Ohio, the Buckeye Theater!
Love and kisses,
Intern Jessica
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